| For privacy's sake, I shall call myself 2B-Thin. I am an underground Ana.
I wasn't always starving for perfection. I was always painfully thin as a child and even as an adult. Even after having 2 children of my own, I still barely tipped the scales at 105 lbs. At just 5 feet tall, this was still within my ideal weight range. It wasn't until a month ago, after having my third child, that I slipped into this downward spiral of self-loathing. After 29 years of being thin, I couldn't handle being 130 lbs with a spare tire jiggling around my waist. With both of my first two children, I had lost all of my pregnancy weight within a few weeks of giving birth. But with my son, I still was packing 30 of the 45 pounds that I had gained. Despite diet and exercise, I just couldn't get the weight to come off. I kept reducing my calorie intake and uping my exercise time until I felt that if I eat even a bite of anything I will gain all of the few pounds that I have managed to lose. And even though I have always hated to vomit, I have even went so far as to purge after binging. I had always thought that it must take years of conditioning for anyone to slip into this state of mind; it amazes me still that I have taken to this so whole-heartedly and so quickly. But at this point I will do ANYTHING to get the weight off, to have my body back.
I decided to start this site as a way to express my feelings of discontent. No one in my family knows about what I am going through. I worked up until a year ago, so now that I am a stay-at-home mom, I no longer have any friends in which to talk to or confide in. I am having to go through this alone, without the support I need to lose the weight. I feel that I have to be twice as strong since I have no one to help me stick to my goals. |
