For those of you so self-loathing as to closely follow these things, you’ll recall that in May, E! online reported that Nick and Jessica had filed for divorce, only to mysteriously retract the story an hour later. But you knew, right then, that this was coming, didn’t you? The couple is waiting to make an official announcement later in the month (at the appropriate career opportunity, we’re sure), but according to Us Weekly’s scoop — kept so under wraps that employees were not allowed to receive their advance issues yesterday, presumably for fear that People might rape and pillage the story — the marriage has been dead for some time. Well, duh.