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Ok so I was checkin out Shelly's updated webpage and decided since I was home all alone on a school day cuz I was really sick *cough cough weeeeez* and was extremely boreded I wanted to make a website to! So welcome to my Psych Ward! So ok it might not be the best but it's a working progress. About me: My name is Ashley and I'm 15 years old! I'm a member of the COTK and I'm always right! I'm a Sophmore at Mental Reject (Get) High Skool! I have a boyfriend named Ray and he is one of the best things in my life. We've been goin out for about 4 months now and I love him lots. In Bayville is where my bestest friends are and they gots my love forever and always!!! Love ya'll muah! I'm also big into writing poetry (which I'll be including some on here) and listening to music! My favorite bands are Kittie, Limp Bizkit, Marilyn Manson, SR-71, and Imani Coppola! One of my favorite things in the world to do is go to karaoke and totally get into some nice hard music and headbang!!! It's fun but it totally kills your neck and back. Shoutouts: Ray: hey sexy! Yer so very very evil!!! But that's not ok cuz I still love you! And yer wrong cuz the pumpkins bandana was not cool!!! Love you lots! Matt: Hey kid. Glad everything is going good for you right now. Mike: Hey hun! I feel really bad about what's goin on so if I can help in anyway tell me and I will Nikki: Hey Doink! I hope you are havin as much fun as I am. >:) You know you and AJ man. All day just like Rabbits!!! Yeah baby!!! Shellyhead: Hey my Shelly head! I miss you so much my huney! Come back to me!!! Oh yeah, SHOP RITE!!! Heather: Hey Pepperspice! Look they're not just colors anymore! They're pink and blue and pink and green and pink and yellow and PINK!!! Sarahbear: Hey Blondie! I feel so snuggly!!! LOL! Hey guess what! Yer blue! BURRITO!!! Nikki: Hey Doink. I know I already wrote something to you but yer xtra special. Love ya! *MUAH* Brock: Hey buddy! How ya doin? You need to get back in skool so you can get an edumation. See what drugs can to do yer life!!! Mike: Hey buddy! Whats up! I miss you so much please come back!!! Liz: Hey girl! Loved the cake you made!!! No more knives tho ok!!! Nicole: Hey Blondy! Still need a boyfriend? I'm gonna get you one I swear!!! Will: Date someone for pete's sakes!!! Other Shellyhead: Hey buddy! How is you doin? Hope yer havin fun annoying Fishy! I know I do. Jonathan: Hey bro! Just cuz I am more popular with the guys then you are does not mean that you have to go around making fun of the way I have a good time! I am not a SLUT!!! Right everyone? Lynoel: Hey dude! What's up? I miss you so much huney! Call me!!! Alex: Hey Big Al...yes I remembered that. Since Sarah gave you the condom you have to tease the cats with it and tell them that they have to use protection and practice safe sex. Ashley: Hey girlie! We don't like those Rams do we? Nope nope we like them Phils!!! Words of Advice for the Week(They just may save your life): DON'T PLAY WITH KNIVES!!! I know this sounds like really stupid advice cuz everyone (hopefully) knows not to play with knives but seriously don't play with them even if yer not hurting yerself cuz you might end up hurting yourself in the end. Trust me on this one I know what I'm talking about. Plus don't forget I'm the one who runs the psych ward over here so of course I know whats goin on with them damn knives! And people please sign the guest book I wanna hear what you think sux so much bout this website! Now for my poetry!!! So here it is. This is a collection of poetry I've been working on. It's called No Way Out. It was named after the first poem I put on it. So enough with the talking here it is: No Way Out No Way Out 9/8/00 Everyday is another battle With confliction inside me I feel so worthless Like no one really cares I feel like I could scream Right in your face And you wouldn't even blink Or hint that you noticed me Would you notice if I was gone Or am I just so invisible To invisible to be noticed To invisible to be recognized To invisible to be important To invisible to be worth a damn Why can't I be worth something Why do I have to be different Why do I have to be human Why can't I be perfect God, how I wish I was perfect Then maybe I wouldn't be invisible And wouldn't have to die I don't want to die But this pain God, this pain It hurts so much I can't take it anymore It's like I'm already dead inside So really it wouldn't be suicide It would just be making the transition And I wouldn't have to be here And I would be far away From all this pain Here's my friend He's so sharp He makes all my problems bleed away And lets me slip into a beautiful twilight No...this isn't what it's supposed to be My problems are still here They're surrounding me Suffocating me They were supposed to go Leave me alone!!! What more do you want from me I gave you my life That's what you wanted I have no more blood to offer you I have nothing left to offer you Just go...Just go...GO! Get the hell away from me I'm not alive anymore Why won't they go Just leave me alone Please, just leave me alone Oh God, make them leave me alone Teenage Suicide 9/11/00 Justin hates his life No one really cares No one pays attention No one knows he's there Justin has a secret It's a shiny metal gun He always likes to look at it When he feels he has no one But today is different Today is the final day And Justin has relized Everyone went away Today is a new day in life And everyone knows who Justin is It's just to bad they found him In the obituaries Oh well, nothing to get upset about Oh well, nothing to complain about Not like it's something new Cause it's just another teenage suicide A teenage suicide: Nothing to complain about Britney was such a pretty girl Everyone loved Britney And Brttney loved the world But Britney loved to much So Britney was called a slut Britney was a good girl Britney went to church Britney did everything A girl was supposed to do Britney couldn't let her family know What she really was To much pressure put on her rep So she took a knife and slit her wrist Another teen Another death Nothing new Just teenage death Not like there was anything We could've done So now she's a statistic Nothing really important Just a number With millions of other numbers Why should I care It's just teenage suicide Pretty Hate Kittie 9/29/00 Come over here I have something to show you Isn't she pretty My little hate kittie She's what lives in my heart The perfect breeding ground for hate Feeding on my hatred Only makes it stronger And it purrs so loudly When you stroke it with harsh words It cuddles up To the hate in your eyes Hatred is what pleases her And hatred is what impregnates her Out of her come little hate kitties And they make such excellent presents They breed in me Then pass from person to person Awww, how cute You have a pretty hate kittie, too Contents of a Broken Heart 9/29/00 I can't believe you left me All alone in here You know I loved you I would've done anything for you But you chose to leave me And now I'm all alone You know I find it So very frightening in here Nothing but black and emptyness That stretches on and never ends But when you were here This place glowed Filled with the brightest light From the purest love felt I wasn't afraid When you were here I had someone to protect me From the evils within You were the light that guided me The shoulder I cried on The hand I crushed when scared And the love I never experienced Pure admiration, love and trust Was all I felt for you But now you're gone I'm gonna have to be a big girl now I can protect myself From all that lurks Here in this bleak emptyness I just can't do it though It was so full and pure When you were here And now it is dark and empty And it makes me feel hollow Because my heart is empty My heart is broken Not Broken 10/1/00 How could I have been so stupid Trying to change the one thing That I love the most So perfect how you were I had to go and try to change it Why couldn't I have left things Just the way they were God, I'm suck a f*ck up Always messing up What's perfect in my life Why am I suprised That I did it once again This perfectness lasted to long I was happy for to long My world was perfect for to long I'm not allowed to have that So now I'm being punished For enjoying my life to much For having something perfect Stupid, stupid me Have to try and fix That which is not broken God, you were so perfect I never deserved you Something so perfect Should never have been touched By such soiled hands Such imperfect little hands Touching the perfection That was you Getting you all dirty Changing you Making you imperfect I only see you leaving now To save your perfection Why do I have to do this And change that which is not broken Old Friend 10/13/00 My old friend I see you Standing before me Holding your arms out Beckoning me in Your touch I've missed I've been away for so long I knew you'd be here You would wait for me No matter how long I was gone I love you so much So sweet and tender You take away my pains You keep the world at bay When I am with you All is right Nothing can get to me Nothing hurts me It all goes away I love you so much Yet the world hates you so Forbidding me to visit you They don't understand How you help with this pain How I'm addicted to your touch So perfect is your touch But I do not feel worthy To have you as my lover I only call upon you When I need you the most But to you that does not matter You have always somehow known That I would always come back Want to feel you once again Feel you pressed against me Feel the pain go away You have always known No one is there for me like you They all swear their loyalty And are gone the next day They don't understand your beauty But your beauty is my escape Your beauty is my addiction My addiction is that of pain The pain of the cut you give That releases the blood That slowly drips away And all the world And all it's problems Go with that blood You are my lover You are my addiction You are my death You are my escape The only escape Beautiful Mystery 10/22/00 I'm looking upon A beautiful mystery Whose blinding glow Has entranced me I've fallen through It's perfect shell I see all the secrets It has to tell The pure beauty It has inside Fills me up And makes me cry It gives me things I've never held It feels things I've never felt The beautiful glow Is warm upon my body It shines so bright It absorbs me quickly I've been engulfed And can't escape I've found love It's not to late But now I live Within this beauty What if it Should go and leave me If it would leave Then I would die Not my shell But all inside But for now I'll live in bliss And pray that things Remain like this Demons 10/30/00 Why do these demons Constantly plague me What have I done To make them hate me I thought I was good Thought I had pleased them But three months later I'm suicidal again They tease me constantly With the ease of escape They hand me the knife It's not to late I can still leave Death is always here And just in case I need him He's always right near And these demons urge me They tell me to do it They give me the knife And point to my wrist The pain may hurt Is what they say But see the blood And it goes away Can I fight them anymore Can I ignore them another day Or is it really me That I want to go away *NOTICE: Ok we have a minor problem. I like you guys signing my guestbook but since certain people who will remain unnamed *glares evily at Will* I must tell you that even though it's ok to say the i love you's on my guestbook I do not want you confessing personnal matters on there. I mean seisly wouldn't it be easier to just send them a FRIKKIN EMAIL!!! Thank you kindly for cooperating |
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