| Mooserana Jones picked up his martini and stepped out onto the patio. He sat down in his fold-back lawn chair. Mooserana sipped his drink and looked up into the night sky. It was mooserana's week off and he was enjoying it. It was his fifth day off and he loved not working. As Mooserana Jones was staring happily at the glittering stars, he saw three red lights. They were circling each other, yet always staying in a perfect triangle. Mooserana Jones didn't beleive in aliens visiting earth, but Mooserana couldn't think of anything other rational explaination. The lights were coming closer, they seemed to be heading in Mooserana Jones's direction. Mooserana stood up out of his chair and walked over to the backyard porch lightswitch. He flicked it on, illuminating the bottom of what looked like a triangular disk, with one red light on each corner. Mooserana also noticed there was a big circle in the middle of the ship, but it was covered by a door. When the ship was just thirty feet off of the ground, Mooserana Jones heard a voice. It said: "Prepare to be abducted! Oh, sorry, do not mind that message. You are not going to be abducted. Start the abduction ray." Just then, the circular door on the bottom of the ship opened, and a blue beam of light came out. It wavered around a little bit, and then stopped on Mooserana. Mooserana Jones slowly began to rise towards the ship. He rose up through the door and came face to face with a being from another world. They were about three inches tall, one inch wide. They had red skin, two eyes on stalks, long tongues and huge mouths. Their feet were actually piles of sludge, that's what they looked like. Their eyes were green, except for one. He seemed to be the leader. It had one blue eye and one green eye. The leader spoke to Mooserana. "Hellllo, you are going to be eaten. By us." His voice sounded like he was full of helium. "You thirsty, hungry, anything I can do?" "Mooserana Jones was stumped. These aliens were going to eat him and they were treating him like he was first-class at a Disney Resort. "Uh, you could let me go free?" Mooserana asked. "Okay, that would be fine with us... wait a second. No way! We may not be intelligent, but we're smart! It's not like we're galactic fools! Just because it says so on the side of our ship!" Mooserana couldn't beleive it. He was being abducted by idiotic aliens from some planet. "We are from the second moon circling Serius. We eat hamsters named Mooserana Jones that sip martinis on the patio at exactly 8:06:46. We get quite hungry. It doesn't happen often." Mooserana Jones said, "You eat hamsters named Mooserana Jones that sip martinis on the patio at some time at night? Is that all you eat? Don't you eat dried bannanas and sunflower seeds? Oh wait, that's hamster food. Anyway, that's a pretty restricted diet." "Anything else would kill us. So we eat hamsters named Mooserana Jones." Mooserana knew he had to get home. "Hey, alien people, what spices are you gonna cook me with? You should try Oregano. A cannibal said I tasted really good with Oregano." "What is this "Oregano"? Is it a hamster named Mooserana Jones?" "Yes, that's what it is," "Guard, fetch me some Oregano!" One of the slimy aliens ran off. Mooserana waited and then the guard came back with a spice bottle. He gave it to Mooserana to shake on himself. Instead, Mooserana Jones shook it on the leader's huge tongue. The leader looked dazed. And then he fell to the ground. The aliens all rushed around the fallen leader. They were talking all at once, so it came out as muffled gibberish. Mooserana fumbled in his poket at pulled out a pen. Mooserana Jones knew it was actually a bomb. He took off the cap and threw it into the mass of bodies. The idiotic aliens left the hatch open and the ship was on the ground. Mooserana hurried off of the ship and into his house. Eight seconds later a massive fireball exploded from Mooserana's backyard. A few minutes later Mooserana Jones went outside and picked up his martini. As he went inside, he turned back and said "Idiots," |
