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| >>A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor > puts > her on a diet. I want > >>you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a > day, > and repeat this > >>procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, > you'll have lost at > >>least five pounds. When the blonde returns, she > has lot 20 pounds. > >>"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you > follow my instructions?" > >> The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I > thought > I was going to drop > >>dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" > asked the doctor. "No, > >>from skipping." > >>************** > >>There is this blonde out for a walk. She comes to > a > river and sees > >>another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" > she > shouts, "how can I get > >>to the other side?" The second blonde looks up > the > river then down the > >>river then shouts back, "You are on the other > side." > > >>************* > >>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding > car > on the freeway. > >>Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that > the blonde behind the > >>wheel was knitting. Realizing that she was > oblivious to his flashing > >>lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his > window, turned on his > >>bullhorn and yelled, "Pull over!" "No," the > blonde > yelled back, "It's a > >>cardigan." > >>******* > >>The executive was interviewing a young blonde for > a > position in his > >>company. He wanted to find out something about > her > personality so he > >>asked, "If you could have a conversation with > anyone, living or dead, who > >>would it be?" The blonde quickly replied, "The > living one." > >>******** > >>A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking > one day. The Russian > >>bragged "We were the first in space." The > American > retorted, "We were the > >>first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So what, > we're going to be the > >>first on the sun!" The Russian and the American > looked at each other and > >>shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, > you > fool, you'll burn up," > >>said the Russian. To which the blonde replied, > "We're not stupid, you > >>know, we're going at night!" > >>******* > >>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and > asks her very nicely if > >>he could see her license. Huffily, she replied, > "I > wish you guys would > >>make up your mind. Just yesterday you take away > my > license and then today > >>you expect me to show it to you." > >>******* > >>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. > When it was her turn, she > >>rolled the dice, and landed on "Science & Nature." > > Her question was "If > >>you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, > can > you hear it?" She > >>thought for a time, and then asked, "Is it on or > off." > >>***** > >>An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde > stewardess. The route > >>they were flying had a stay-over in another city, > so > upon their arrival, > >>the captain showed the stewardess the best place > for > airline personnel to > >>eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as > the pilot was preparing > >>the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new > stewardess was missing. > >>He knew which room she was in at the hotel and > called her up wondering > >>what happened to her. She answered the phone, > sobbing, and said she > >>couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out > of > your room? Why not?" > >>the captain asked. "There are three doors in > here," > she cried, "one is > >>the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a > sign > on it that says, 'Do > >>Not Disturb!" |
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