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In 1997 my friend Dan shot & killed himself, his 3 girl's would endure abuse & my fight to have them removed. In 1996 Dan moved in the same appartment building I lived in. I wouldn't relize how much Dan meant to me untill he was gone. I have a daughter with asthma & she would be hospitalized 6 times in (96 & 97) I was loosing my mind, I know I would of lost it completely if Dan wasn't around to help. My boyfriend Jon works so it was hard for him to be there all day & with Brandi in & out of the hospital I couldn't work, so there was only one income comming in.In March of 97 she was in 11 day's out 5 & back in 10. The second time she went in it was about 1:00am and she quit breathing, so I called Dan & he rushed us to the hospital about 2:00am she was put in her room, but I have another daughter Victoria who I had to make arrangement's for not wanting to leave my baby alone Dan stayed there & I came home I arrived back at the hospital around 4:00am & there was Dan right by Brandi's side. He went home & was back there by 10:00am. He would make about three trips a day. When I was tired he'd come up & I'd go home rest for a few hours & visit Victoria because this was also hard on her. NEVER once would Dan put up a fuss If I called & needed him he was there. We all became close, his children were like my own & his wife & him felt the same way about mine. Dan would tell people he had three wives. (his real wife, my cousin, & myself) See Dan was like Peter Pan a little boy who never really grew up. When I would tell him that he'd laugh. I guess that's what made Dan so special. NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE HIM EVER! Dan was always around us all, my own family grew to love Dan. In May of 97 I went to Georgia to visit my mom, one day I called home & I was told Dan was abusing his wife. I guess I was in shock, so I didn't believe it! When I got home I was elected to take his wife to the courthouse, being battered by a former boyfriend I didn't ask question's I just did it. When she came out of the courthouse she showed me the paper's, it said "Dan said he was gonna kill his kid's"! Like I said I was in Georgia so I didn't know what was going on. I stated to her why did you lie"? She said"I dont want him near my children. Deep down inside I knew she was a lying tramp, but it wasn't untill Dan died that I found out why she lied. Dan came home from Danville & she was here waiting for the sheriff to serve the P.F.A papers, not knowing what was going on he came here looking for her. He started pulling on her so I stepped in & tried to tell him what was going on. He was mad, so he went home & started breaking thing's. The cop's came & he was removed & that was the last time I saw him alive. June 2 1997 Dan took his stepfather's gun & in their front yard shot himself, his family not knowing what she lied to the judge about, blamed my cousin Jada & I. I was crushed, because I really didn't know what she was up to untill she came out of the courthouse. Dan was put on life support, even in death Dan thought of other's, he donated his organs, skin, & bone's so other's could live. When we went in and saw Dan for the last time she was putting on a GOOD SHOW for Dan's family. I wanted to punch her out!!! I started to flip out, so I was removed. I didn't flip out on her like I should of, I couldn't handle seeing my best friend hooked up to machaines. When I tell you what happened next will shock you! The same nite Dan died she had another man in her bed!!!!!!!!!! For week's she was talking to this man on the phone. When I called the next day he was there, I told her how I felt & didn't speak to her for week's. I just couldn't believe someone could be so crule, I mean Dan just died the nite before. Well this fling didn't last long, but her bed didn't get cold before the next one would move in. This man would turn out to be a peice of dirt! He would start abusing Dan's children. Their mother was no better. He wasn't there long before he started calling the twin's whore's,slut's,bitche's, & dumb cunt's. Dan's family,my family & I were outraged! I called the C.Y.S & nothing was done. This man talked her into moving, so one nite they moved out. Now we were in a bind,not knowing what was going on was devestating. When Dan killed himself I went into a deep depression & blamed myself. If only I was a better friend Dan would still be alive. When I went & saw Dan I promised him I would make sure his children were taken care of. Once again I failed him. I sunk into a deeper depression where I wasn't takeing care of myself. I had no will to live. In the mean time Dan's children were still being abused. Dan's family tried to get the C.Y.S involved, but nothing!! One day the children got out & ran down a main highway & the C.Y.S saw them, but still the children remained in the home. One day one of the twin's were pushed down by this low life & her face was grounded into the rug,I called the C.Y.S again, even with a mark on her still the children were left there. Being a child who was abused I knew how they felt,but I was in such a deep depression I didn't know how to help them. One day I called Vicky (who's just like my mom) she said "When someone dies that's not for us to question as it's God's will,everything happen's for a reason, & just sitting around dwelling about it will drive you nut's!" If his children are being abused do something about it! Well I thought she was the one who was nut's. One nite I would get the answer I was looking for! I'm not the type of person who believes in spirit's, but one nite I was home alone & the big chicken I am propped my little dresser up under my door nob,so if anyone tried to get in I would hear them & so the dresser wouldn't fall & give me a heart attack. I was just laying there crying & asking Dan "What can I do to help your kid's?" I also told him I was so sorry for failing him. When all of a sudden my dresser went flying across my room,Well let me tell you something I was out of that room, hell bent for lection I was GONE!!!!! I looked through the house & no one was there, it was at that time I knew Dan was with me & Vicky was right. When I make up my mind to do something I do it! I called the C.Y.S and said "IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO DAN'S CHILDREN I'M GOING PUBLIC!" I couldn't take that chance so I started writting the P.A Govenor & Senator, at first no response. I kept writting them & my last letter to them I stated "We the people Vote you In, & We Will Vote you OUT!" Well I don't know what I said but, it wasn't long & they were in this fight to. The C.Y.S told them they stepped in when I called, but we knew they would say something like that. I didn't care who took the credit just as long as Dan's children were removed & they were! My thank's to Gov. Tom Ridge & Senator Arlen Specter is not enough, these men went way beyond their job's to help me, but that wouldn't be the last time they would hear my cries! When Dan died his children got S.S, because he worked, she was keeping their money & spending it on friend's, their children & her many men. She told us Dan's mom has money & she wont spend it on the girl's anyway. No she doesn't spend it on the girl's, it goes into a collage fund & their grandma buy's them what they need out of her money. Once again that tramp was hurtting Dan's kid's! Dan's mom called & wrote the S.S Office, then I tried, but NOTHING! I once again contacted Arlen Specter & he took care of it!(We love them both) A year had passed before Dan's children were removed, but when that day came I was at some peace! I wrote Dan a letter I would love to share with you: Dan, It has been a year the longest year of our lives.We all miss you deeply.We all miss the jokes you use to play on us, like the time Michael was at my house taking a shower & Dee was taking one at Jada's & you shut the water off, (his appartment had a shut off valve) & the time we went to Ames & you followed me around the store making monkey noises & singing out loud (he could NOT sing) & telling the lady who checked us out we were married. Going to Aldis & you embarassing me & I never went shopping with you again.(you think I would of learned the first time,but I'm a sucker for punnishment) The day you got pulled over for running the stop sign & when the cop came to the window we were figting because you said you stopped & I knew you didn't but, Finally you said I slowed. That's how you got your name No Stop Dan! We also use to fight, like the time I was so sick & you took me to Dr.B's office & weeling me around in the wheelchair & bumping me into things & the time you & Jon stayed out all nite, but it only lasted a few hours & we'd forget about it. Dan on May 27th Brandi went to Danville to have her surgery & you were not there. Dan I miss talking to you on the phone till 1:00am, we would talk 20 times a day. I really miss you Dan, you were always there when I needed you most & now your gone forever!!!!!! Dan there is not a day that goes by that we don't think about you the tears are still there & so are the memories. The hardest thing I had to do was call home & tell Jon his best friend was gone forever, you guys were like twins hooked at the hips! It hurts to see your girl's growing up without their daddy. The twins will start school in the fall & your gonna miss it, now your gonna miss everything in their lives. You were a good daddy & you LOVED your kid's. Yes, we have all gone on living,but we will NEVER forget our No Stop Dan! You may be gone, but you will NEVER be forgotten. WE LOVE YOU Dan. Still to this day I cry when I read or write that letter to Dan. We didn't know what fun was untill Dan came into our lives & played jokes on us. When I told Jon Dan died he broke down, I was shocked because guy's are so strong, but when I called & told my brother that Dan killed himself & Jon wasn't doing to good & he cried, I knew then that Dan's suicide would effect alot of people. When Dan killed himself, I started to research suicide,I was looking for the answer "WHY?" The things I felt were normal, Anger was one that I didn't want to admit to. I guess I felt bad for being angry at Dan because he was dead & I was always taught you RESPECT the dead. It wasn't untill my son found out that a kid he knew shot himself,(17yrs old) that I would relize it was ok to be angry. One nite my son came to me & got right in my face & said I hate Joe (not the young man's real name) for killing himself, well my chin hit the floor! I was in shock, I said to him Brandon it's ok to feel that way, but sometimes people can't cope with the pain so they think they have no other choice but to kill themselves! See here is a 10yr old boy that lost a friend to suicide & had NO idea what it meant. I couldn't believe the cruelness that people have against people who kill themselves. It all started to make sense when we were at the hospital we heard "suicide is the easy way out,or it's because their cowards, & their selfish" it's dumb remarks like that, that keep people from asking for help.They aren't selfish we are! These people were hurtting & we failed as a society. We need to stop judging & start helping. We NEED to educate or children. WE NEED TO STRESS TO THEM SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO DEPRESSION, COUNSELING IS!!!!!! For everyone who reads this suicide IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM IN OUR COUNTRY! We as Americans NEED to STAND UP & TRY to put this to an END!!!!!!!!!!!! There is NOT always a sign, as we Dan's friends had NO IDEA he was gonna kill himself untill it was too late. We all said good buy to him knowing it would be the last time we would ever see him again was devastating. I thought what a waste someone so young & had a life ahead of him was gone with no turning back. See just like Dan, everyone who has commited suicide has a family & friends who also have felt the sadness, & live with nothing but fond memories. My goal is not to write a book on my loss, it's to help others. With your help we can address this to all of the politicians, make depression & suicide a must take in school. STOP the ignorance about suicide. Teen's are killing themselves more than anyone & we are just sitting back & watching. These teens are our future & if they keep killing themselves who's gonna run our country? Another thing that disturbed me was,when I read that still to this day some people are so ashamed of loved one's who have commited suicide they are not buried in the same cemetery with other family members, or they are creamated & forgot about. That's why we need to educate people, what is there to be ashamed of? Nothing! I'm not ashamed of Dan I love him. I still blame myself even though I know it's not my fault. I cant help but feeling if I wouldn't of took her to get a P.F.A he'd still alive. That's a question that I will ask myself untill the day I die. I'm not gonna dwell on it though I'm gonna make something good come out of my tragic loss. Dan's children can still be torn out of the home where they are happy & safe! This is where I need your help, we need to write, or e-mail the politicians in P.A so Dan's mom can get custody of these children. Their mother is now having another baby & lives in another state, if she take's these children they will be abused AGAIN! (over my dead body) The man who abused them before is now in prison for having sex with a 14yr old girl! I don't believe in just taking someone's children away, but she has hurt these children enough! She is on her 4th man & it wont be 2yrs. untill June 2,1999. Sadly Dan's children are not ALONE! I want to close by saying THANK YOU for hearing me out, & if you have a story to share with me feel free to do so. If you have any comments or advice please e-mail me. I'd like to dedicate this in the memory of Dan Dunlap, & the people who have commited suicide & their family & friends. So, for everyone who has lost a loved one to suicide we know how you feel & may God bless you all & once again THANK YOU! I want to thank my family, my friends, Dan's family & the people who are supporting me in my mission to make a diffrence, mabey we can save a life as one life saved will be worth it. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like I said I don't care who take's the credit for keeping Dan's children safe just as long as the job get's done!! http://maxpages.com/whykill |
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